Erika

Ever since talking to Paul and hearing about his experience in NVC I have had a renewed interest so I found this week particularly helpful.

Luckily I have I had many “failures” so a lot of opportunities to learn. One conversation that comes up that can be a difficult conversation is the subject of how money is spent in our family. There can occasionally be pretty different opinions on that. These conversations have sometimes become pretty emotional and have involved me saying something like “You are selfish” or “You are greedy.” This approach has not been consistent with NVC principles. It has hurt feelings and created animosity while also creating internal dissonance, as I knew this approach was not consistent with the principles I want to live my life by. This seems to be a classic mistake as described by this weeks readings and videos. I am hoping though that the NVC model presented by Rosenberg is one that can help me better with my communication and listening to have a much more positive and constructive exchange moving forward. I think it is something that can take some practice but I think it could be effective. Certainly the NVC model is much more aligned with better expressing my beliefs and feelings than the vague, blaming, and judgmental language I have used when conversations have become difficult in the past.

For this week, I did sort of a hybrid between the following my usual viewing habits and taking a media fast. I’ve been finding that my desire to watch television has been diminishing over the past six months or so, and that I’ve been affected much more strongly by the violence I see. Or maybe I’m just more aware of how the violence is affecting me though the actual effect hasn’t changed all that much. Either way, the idea of sitting in front of the tv just doesn’t appeal to me the way it used to.

However, this week has been particularly stressful, and I was anxious and sleepless. I noticed that under these circumstances, I had a very strong urge to watch tv, especially at night when I couldn’t sleep. It was interesting to observe this with an awareness of the fact that I wanted a distraction and I was defaulting to television for this purpose. Sometimes I gave in to the urge, other times I didn’t, but either way I had more of an understanding of what I wanted from my viewing time, and it did affect my program choices. I was unable to stomach the kind of violent shows I would have watched in the past, and opted for documentaries and cooking shows instead.

I choose the options of keeping my normal media patterns and trying to pay attention to the effect that they had on me. I watch a couple of shows consistently currently, some I know that can be quite violent. One of the most violent that I watched this week is a show called “True Blood” on HBO. On the surface the premise is kind of interesting; a new product called True Blood becomes available that vampires can drink instead of drinking human blood. This leads to the possibility of vampires living among humans. They are another class of people and are a persecuted minority in some respects and are at times discriminated against. This element can make it a learning experience in understanding persecution, discrimination etc…However not all vampires, just like not all people, are the same and some are quite violent and enjoy feeding on people etc… The result is a sometimes interesting but at almost all times violent show. Not one that makes you see people in the best light sometime and one in which life can be held at a low value at times.

Another show I watched last week that I am currently consistently watching, also on HBO, is called “Newsroom”. This show is basically about a news show that is trying to be different than the mainstream press and actually report the news in a meaningful way. As a result this show runs into challenges from numerous angles, sometimes from above because what they are doing is not good for the corporation that owns them. The show focuses almost entirely on real news stories, this season for example there is Occupy Wall Street. I think there are some positives but I think where it falls short is that it is like other liberal news programs which still glorify violence. Still a very pro-soldier, pro-violence show (as long it is the right violence in their minds) in some regards.

Another show I watch consistently that I saw this week is “The Soup” on the E network. For those who don’t know it is a show which basically makes fun of other tv shows, a lot of reality shows particularly. It can be funny but the humor is at the expense of others most often so this is not a particularly positive show to watch as well.

An anomaly this week, is that I watched numerous episodes from a television series called Firefly and the associated movie “Serenity”. My sister was coming in this weekend for Comic-com Chicago. This is something I have been going to for a couple of years and sometimes she will come out for it. This show is one her favorites and she has asked me to watch it a couple of times. There was going to be people from the show at this convention so I decided to go through and watch the series in preparation which wasn’t too difficult since there was only one season. The premise of the show is that the earth gets used up and people move into space where America and China combine to create a super power alliance that attempts to rule the galaxy. The show follows a crew led by a captain from the defeated rebels as they try to just make it in the galaxy doing some legal but often illegal jobs. I actually did thoroughly enjoy the show but while there was humor and some positives there was also a lot of violence, often portrayed as good, just or necessary when done by the “good guys”. The comic convention itself that we went to could probably be considered media in itself. While there are definitely some negative images and content at parts of this convention I think that it has overall a positive effect and experience.

I mediate in the mornings using the passage meditation methods described by Easwaran and Nagler. I can notice how what I watch has an effect. Often when I am trying to meditate after watching some of these shows the night before some of these images, some of them violent, come across my mind. While trying to meditate images from what I have seen will come and flash in my mind. This can be discouraging when they are scenes of violence, I would say that True Blood in particular is one that I notice violent images intruding when trying to meditate. Understanding the mind a little I shouldn’t expect anything different though. If i put these images into my mind then I should expect them to show up uninvited at other times.

-John

PS Another alternative news website you may like is New Internationalist Magazine.

http://newint.org

Hi all,

I am extending this analysis a little bit further than a week as I realized the effects of this new awareness starting a few weeks ago. I do not watch much TV and when I do, they are a few select shows that don’t showcase any violence but there are a few sub-tones of violence and stories of violence incorporated into the plot. I did notice recently that I started having strong reaction to anything violent on TV, so much so that I had to remove myself from the room. Usually, I could sit and watch a PG-13 movie with violence in it but I couldn’t stand it. I have always had a strong reaction to violence but its definitely stronger nowadays. Not only is it the reaction to seeing violence but now its the understanding of how incredibly harmful and destructive this images are.

As far as watching the news, I never have been able to watch the local or Boston area news because it is so incredibly depressing and negative. It leaves me feeling low, depressed, anxious, worried, and scared. My body tenses, my mind races, and my heart feels unsettled. The only form of news that I tend to read other than the bits and pieces I see as I log into accounts online is on my Al Jazeera app— I like to follow the global international news but again, this is often filled with negative stories. It tends to have less of an effect on my mood and body but still it does bring up negative feelings. For me its a balance of staying educated on the news and staying grounded and peaceful.

Furthermore, after reading about language in one of the search chapters, I have been more aware of my language use, such as rewording ‘shoot an email’ to ‘send an email’ and so on.

All and all, I have seen significant paradigm shifts in my mind from this course and cannot wait to see all of them 6 months, a year from now!

I grew up in the Lutheran church and spent a few years as a member of a Methodist congregation, but as I got older I found that there were too many things about organized religion that did not sit right with me and I left.  I studied religion in depth in college and I have spent my adult life exploring a number of different spiritual traditions including yoga, earth-based spirituality, shamanism, unitarian universalism, and Christian mysticism in a search for the right fit for me.

This question is interesting for me, because I think that my search for a spiritual “home” was driven by a recognition, that I had not articulated, that I needed something to support my activism.  I was noticing that there was a widening chasm between the person I wanted to be in general, and the parent I wanted to be in particular, and the person who was showing up in the world every day.  I knew I needed to develop a skill set that would allow me to be more patient and compassionate, and that in order to do so I would have to bypass the mind and find what lies beneath.

About a year ago, I started a regular Zen practice and I think I have finally found my spiritual home.  I like that it gives me a framework within which to look at myself and the world around me and to examine my judgements and reactions to things.  I have found that it has helped me to develop many of the skills and qualities I’ve been committed to on an intellectually but have failed to really embody.  And in the fall, I will begin my formal study of the Precepts, or the ethics taught by the Zen tradition, and I am very much looking forward to examining the connection between my spiritual practice and the way it is manifested in my life!

Kelly  🙂

 
Interestingly, I was also writing the reflection on Chapter 3 of Search, “No Power to Describe,” as I worked on the materials for Week 6. Here’s what I wrote in the reflection:

The content of this chapter resonated with me as it illustrated how nonviolence and my spirituality (Buddhism) overlap – and the topic for Week 6 as I write this summary is spirituality.  Reading the chapter reminded me of a Buddhist concept “fundamental darkness” which is defined as “The most deeply rooted illusion inherent in life, said to give rise to all other illusions. Darkness in this sense means inability to see or recognize the truth, particularly, the true nature of one’s life” (http://www.sgilibrary.org/search_dict.php?id=842). To me, the ignorance to one’s own potential (i.e. purpose of life) gives rise to confusion, anger, and violence.  We all have that tendency, and we need to fight it everyday.  

Spirituality is important in nonviolence because it helps us “cultivate inner strength” as the title of this week’s course suggests.  It reinforces the core principle of nonviolence by helping us rehumanize those opposed to our causes, when we are having heated arguments – it helps us see the humanity underneath the person’s anger and hatred.  It guides us in finding the meaning of life, in the search for truth.  It arms us in the “internal war” to conquer our own negativity.  It helps us master fear.
I am so fortunate to have been born into a family that diligently practices Buddhism.  While growing up I wondered how I would know this was the best for me when I did not practice anything else, the more I practiced, the more I saw irrefutable results in my life.  In my sect of Buddhism, we chant “Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo” and recite portions of the Lotus Sutra, where Shakyamuni taught the equality and eternity of life.  The object of devotion – which is also called an object of devotion for observing one’s mind – is considered a mirror of one’s own life, reflecting his or her highest potential.  By engaging in this practice, I have learned that our suffering comes from our own mind – and by mastering our own mind we can transform life tendencies and create an indomitable state of life.
Through my spiritual practice, I gain courage and compassion everyday.  By chanting every morning, I feel that my life condition elevates and I feel more in control – rather than being assailed by problems of mine or those around me.  I have not been able to chant as much recently, so my goal is to go back to chanting two hours daily.
I felt very comfortable learning about nonviolence through Metta since many of the core principles are identical with the philosophy of Buddhism.  I am very happy to have found  an outlet for my intellectual curiosity and peace activism that completely aligns with my spiritual belief.

Hi All

I think that ,like you John, I have spread myself too thin with too many interests in the past. I’ve learnt alot but maybe not been active enough in any one area.

I think my strengths lie in personal communication, I’m good at empathy and enjoy new people’s company. I took the kids to an anti fracking protest the other day (inspired by this course) and when someone else was having a difficult conversation with a policeman, I managed to talk to him afterwards and thank him for his being there to watch over the situation. He seemed relieved and told me that whilst in uniform he couldn’t show any political opinion, but I felt that he may deal more gently with all of us because of our conversation.