Erika

Hi all,

I find myself not so much thinking about harm, although that does arise, at times but battling with a loss of compassion. When I read a news story about someone who I feel may not be engaged in the most constructive action having some kind of negative action happen I find myself challenged to feel the level of compassion I think I should. This I know is a big negative and is something I have to fight with internally at times.  This week was helpful in it’s reminding of the importance of separating a person from their action. Even though this is something I try and do always anyway, hearing this again can be helpful.

When harmful thoughts arise, it seems that it can occur if I am focused on a particular end and am frustrated by something blocking me from getting there. At work or in a conversation when I want a particular thing to happen or to finish a task I can feel negative thoughts arising. Also they occur when I am focused on one task and then am pulled over to do something else, particularly if it something I feel to be less important. Writing this reminds me of a short story by Tolstoy “Three Questions” in which the moral is basically the most important time is now since that is the only time you can do anything, the most important person is the person in front of you since they may be the last person you ever see, and the most important thing is to do good to him because that is the purpose alone that man was sent into life. Remembering such lessons could be helpful when my mind starts inching over to thinking of the ends instead of focusing on the means.

From an early age I’ve always had this knowing inside of me that I have a mission/a purpose to do while I am here in this life. Growing up and even recently, this has overwhelmed me as I have not been able to see clearly what this purpose is and what I am supposed to be doing in this lifetime. As I have started doing work within women’s empowerment and social entrepreneurship, I know that I am starting to get there. I also think that I discovered my core purpose a few years ago and that is to love abundantly and unconditionally. I feel like when I am able to tap into it (which is a lot) that I have an unending flow of love that comes into my heart from above—to the extent where I extend blessings of love whenever I remember, therefore, if you were in my head while I am driving or walking down the street, you’d hear lots of “I love yous” to passing ‘strangers’.
This week’s topic as most of you said is intimate in one aspect but in another so universal and powerful. I have noticed in my life that when I have been removed from my purpose and the meaning of life, that I have fallen into very self-destructive and dark periods. These periods during my adolescents are the darkness to which I found light, the left to which I found my right, the down to which I found my up.  During this down period, life (my life specifically) had no meaning and no fulfillment to me, thus it was not something I valued nor treasured; ironically at the same time, I valued and love others so deeply.  This experience had given me such insight into the role of the meaning and purpose of life in nonviolence.

 
The meaning of life is critical in providing purpose to one’s life. When lacking a true purpose, people fulfill their purpose with pseudo-meanings, typically consisting of means of violence and destruction. The evidence for life having purpose is simply this fact that without meaning we are essentially lost beings, looking for pseudo-highs to fulfill the parts of our soul that are lacking.  The purpose for life having meaning as I have learned from my personal experience was also exemplified in the patient/plant experiment where patients with a purpose of caring for an animate object healed faster than other patients who did not.

 
The way I go about finding meaning and purpose is to be led by my knowing. I know a lot of time people say ‘follow you heart’ but I think it really is ‘follow your knowing’ as your heart is one aspect of your knowing. I feel like there is a system set up inside of me and all of us that tells us if something is right or wrong; when I think of doing something and I feel anxious, upset, uneasy, or that it is plain not right, I follow this intuition as I know it is supposed to guide me. When I feel that way but I know underneath it all that it is something I need to do, that is shown to me as well. I also am sometimes guided in my sleep-related episodes towards what I am supposed to do. Additionally, its funny that Michael talked about that question that one of his students asked about if we follow happiness, can it be a clue to what we are supposed to do. This question rang very true as I have always wondered that, as I do this in part but can see how this could be misleading for those who are not connected very strongly with their intuition and knowing. All and all, the meaning of life is the foundation for any work within nonviolence; without it, we are incomplete, ungrounded, and easily mislead. I think about everyone caught up in the insidious cycle of violence, drugs, sex, and unhealthy relationships and know that the solution rests in finding the real meaning in life and healing from the time away from this knowing.

 
Something that really stuck out to me in the reading this week was how every issue I am passionate about is encompassed somehow within nonviolence. More specifically, I have spent a lot of time studying the intersection of capitalism and human rights violations, specifically studying Shell and Nike (anyone who wants to read this paper, send me a response and I will email it to you). This structural violence is so engrained in every aspect of our lives, especially if we are plugged into the mainstream society. And its hard to disengage this aspect as it is so obtrustive and over-reaching.  This quote was so incredibly powerful: “Children growing up in a world that’s partly built on structural violence may take a long time to become aware of its presence, and until they do they may unwittingly benefit at the expense of others; no one would call them violence for doing so. Only when they go on cheerfully benefitting after becoming aware of this can they be called some degree violent—which may be one reason people resist being educated about violence.”  The last section of the last sentence “which may be one reason people resist being educated about violence” is so incredibly powerful and rings a bell, as I have seen what my speaking of truth does to people living in illusions; they push back and will do anything to remain in their bubble of illusion: “The only people mad at you for speaking the truth are those living a lie. Keep speaking it –Anonymous.”

I’ve been noticing desire to harm come up when I am hanging out with some of my friends lately.  I hang out often with a group of folks who are academics.  They are amazing, brilliant, have stellar values and are way articulate.  When I am with them I can feel frustrated internally, because I judge myself as not as articulate, and can’t seem to collect my thoughts well.   I work in a therapeutic world, of shamans, meditators, therapists, healers of all kinds and  I want to express insights from this world into their world, but don’t feel like I can do it well.  I feel like mine is an unseen world.  My ego gets all bent out of shape about it and before long I am making a comment that is sideways, negative, etc.  I feel all this pent up energy in my throat and my mind goes back and forth between judging them and judging myself.  It is funny as I reflect on it, because all this is happening in an environment which is actually about as sweet as it gets.  These folks are kind and patient and never actively criticize me!

Anyway, I was with them yesterday, and per our assignment, watched my desire to say something a little destructive, the desire to relieve my suffering, my frustration, by making someone else wrong.  I felt how tight and twisted my throat and heart felt.  And I let myself off the hook for feeling this way, just held a compassionate presence for myself.   I ended up noticing all that sensation smooth out and then had a really nourishing afternoon with them.  I even got to explain some stuff about healing work to them and they were quite interested.   The sense of genuine connection felt good.  It humbled me.

Wow Kelly – I can actually recognize those places and know where they are. Yes, we are neighbors 🙂

In thinking about ways to address the challenges of the nonviolence pledge, I am reminded of a book given to me by a friend, Self-Observation: An Owner’s Manual by Red Hawk.  There is one idea in particular that has always influenced me, that it is through simply observing our thoughts and behaviors that we are able to change them.  The author argues that if we have to make efforts to change, we are doomed to failure because eventually our will power will give out.  But if we simply observe – for example, I am having the urge to watch CSI?  I am feeling tired and want to relax?  How interesting that I find it relaxing to watch a program about psychotic criminals who inflict unspeakable pain upon other people?

Through this simple act of observing with detachment, we start to create a shift that ultimately results in change.  I have found this to be true with other behaviors I have recognized as unhealthy but found difficult to change, especially my “comfort food” habit.  As of yet I have not applied it to my television viewing…..

How interesting.  🙂

Why, in studying nonviolence, is the meaning of life important?
 
My perspective on the meaning of life informs my attitude towards nonviolence.  If I believe that life has no meaning, then a study of nonviolence is a waste of time.  If I believe that the meaning of life is to seek pleasure, then a study of nonviolence is naive.  If I believe that the meaning of life is to connect with others, to discover my spiritual nature, and to leave the world a better place, then a study of nonviolence is a valuable tool for developing my own sense of purpose.
 
What evidence is there for life having a purpose?
 
As humans, we do not function well when our lives lack purpose.  We tend to feel depressed, anxious and irritable when we feel adrift without a goal in mind.  I think this is a fairly universal phenomenon; we all experience a periods of existential angst when we question our lives and our places in this world.  Often it is these periods of disquiet that drive people to seek something deeper and puts them in touch with the wisdom traditions, where they find enlightenment and meaning.
 
I am having trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that the majority people in our culture truly believe that life has no meaning whatsoever.  If that were the case, I feel like we would be in much worse shape than we already are!  I can imagine that things like money or pursuit of pleasure may be what gets a lot of people out of bed in the morning, and while these things are not meaningful to me they may still provide many individuals with goals and motivation.  Our hope as a culture, in my opinion, rests upon the realization that these things are fleeting and superficial sources of meaning and that life can be much richer and fuller when we can look beyond having the nicest car on the block or the newest iPhone.
 
What is your own particular approach to fulfilling the meaning in your life?

I think that my spiritual practice has taken me to a place where I am content to find meaning in each moment.  In my youth I was very ambitious, and my feeling of worth rose and fell with each achievement and failure.  I thought my life’s meaning was dependent on making great contributions to my chosen field; the only problem was that I was completely miserable.  I had to step out of the rat race and start a search for myself from scratch.  Over time, I have come to feel great satisfaction is simply listening to my inner voice, doing what makes me happy rather than doing what I think will increase my success, building meaningful connections with the people around me, and looking for opportunities to contribute to the happiness and well-being of the people around me.

The Meaning of Life
 
The topic of this week’s reflection has felt extremely intimate for me as well. I have been waiting for a moment of inspiration – that I might rise to the challenge of encapsulating something of the intensity with which I am experiencing this topic at the moment. Events in my personal life have brought about sudden changes to one of my primary relationships. This has given me a profound opportunity to see things with fresh eyes, and to consider very carefully what I am animated by.
 
Here are some of the many threads that came together for me. They all sit on the fringes of this big topic for me. 🙂
 
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As I write this, I am sitting on a small handmade wooden meditation stool. This stool was gifted to me by my mother. She is a painter and has painted it with images of Australian waratahs. The waratah is an amazing kind of flower (http://www.anbg.gov.au/images/photo_cd/630930713442/093_2.jpg)
 
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There is a traditional dreamtime story about the waratah. It tells the story of a small bird and its new family. The baby birds were hungry and food was scarce and hard to find. The parent birds looked long and hard in the area around their nest for food to feed the little ones – but none was to be found. One of the parents decided that they would have to adventure further than usual to find food to support their family. The small birds knew that this journey would be dangerous. They reminded the gathering parent not to go above the main canopy of the forest. Above the canopy there was a risk that you would become a meal for the Eagle.
 
The parent flew through the forest, desperately looking for food, but none could be found. Eventually, as a last resort and with the wellbeing of their family in mind, the gathering parent flew up and above the canopy hoping to get a better view and to get perspective over the forest. The little parent broke through the canopy and out into the light of the full sun. At that same moment they felt the ripping talons of the Eagle sink into their back.
 
A single drop of blood fell down through the canopy, through the undergrowth. It landed in the centre of a white waratah – turning it to a vivid blood red colour.
 
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As with all traditional stories, the interpretation of this one is not singular or obvious. As I write today, I am connecting very strongly with the sense of care and love that motivated the gathering parent to journey to find food. The reason my mother painted waratahs on my meditation stool is because this flower could represent love. Love motivated the gathering bird to reach dangerously above the canopy – without fear for its own life. In searching for food – the parent bird became food. Love also allowed the drop of blood to land on the waratah and to produce beauty. Love was there in the ever continuous moment of transformation.
 
And so I sit with love.
 
If I try to talk about meaning in this story I notice that it will change each time my attention moves between the different relationships that exist in the story.
 
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So far we have been talking about the meaning of life. This week I have been exploring how my reflections change when I shift to considering the meaning IN life.
 
Rather than WHAT is the meaning OF life, I am wondering about WHERE is the meaning IN life. This seemed to help me relax into the question. Observing that I have a strong sense of being alive, I considered where meaning comes from in life. The only answer that I have so far is, perhaps, that meaning is produced between things. Meaning results from relationships. Relationships themselves are not THE meaning, but they are the productive force of meaning.
 
This does not mean that things are separate to each other. It is like my left hand and my right hand. Their existence in relation to each other brings about certain meanings even though they are part of the same body.
 
Perhaps this could be applied to our understanding of nonviolence.
 
By shifting the focus to the meaning in life, as a product of relationships, we have a tangible and reasonable way in which we can approach change. We can focus on the qualities and effects of our relationships and we can develop the kinds of relationships that meet everyones needs.
 
I am not sure that I am explaining this very well. This is really speculative and difficult for me to articulate. I do not know how this fits into other theories, or even if it is something I totally agree with myself.
 
For me, today, talking about the meaning OF life seems to imply that the meaning is located outside of myself in this mysterious thing call life. Talking about the meaning IN life reminds me that meaning emerges through me and in my actions as I move through the world. The world comes into being through relationships.
 
I am reminded here of a quote from Khalil Gibran:
 
“Beauty is eternity, gazing in the mirror
But you are eternity, and you are the mirror!”
 
It is as if we are one of the hands of life. We are the eyes with which life not only perceives itself, but through we life also comes into being. A kind of infinite self producing spiral-circle. Like when you point two mirrors at each other!
 
In one of the videos, Michael spoke about the origins of the word ‘education’. This word also emphasises the notion that wisdom and knowledge come from within and that the process of educating brings out that which is already there.
 
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Cottleson Pie
by A. A. Milne

Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie,
A fly can’t bird, but a bird can fly.
Ask me a riddle and I reply
Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie.
 
Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie,
Why does a chicken? I don’t know why.
Ask me a riddle and I reply
Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie.
 
Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie,
A fish can’t whistle and neither can I.
Ask me a riddle and I reply
Cottleston Cottleston Cottleston Pie.
 
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Can you imagine how awkward it would be if the chicken forgot (or never discovered) that it was a chicken?
 
Warning: I am about to use nouns as verbs! *gasp* *cringe* *bah!*
 
Question: If a chicken chickens, and a bird birds, then what does a human? Do humans human?
 
Lately I have had a strong sense of how I human. I am hesitant to say that I have a ‘why’ for the things that I do. I do not necessarily have words for them – maybe I never will.
 
All I know is that as dramatic change visited my life again this week, I felt secure even amidst the emotional chaos. Even in the moments of peak intensity I could sense this deep feeling of purpose in a kind of matter-of-fact way. It was quite an amazing experience to simultaneously experience grief for the sudden ending of a relationship, while also experiencing joy and calm equanimity.
 
It struck me that this moment of crisis might be giving me a model of how meaning and purpose might work when we are confronted with great violence. My sense of purpose felt like an anchor in those moments and saved me from washing away.
 
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Two final threads from this week (sorry for the long post!):
 
(This week a favorite astrologer reminded me of this quote!)
 
Summing up his experiment in living at Walden Pond, naturalist Henry David Thoreau said this: “I learned that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws will be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.”
 
There is also an old Quaker saying: ‘Proceed as Way opens!’
 
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Moving with a sense of purpose and meaning, we have the chance to move in the direction of the tides. To be carried by the river, rather than fighting it. I trust that the current runs in the direction of peace and that life will always find a way.