On Mother’s Day: What we should learn at our mother’s knee – How to raise keepers of the peace

On Mother’s Day:
What we should learn at our mother’s knee
How to raise keepers of the peace

Susie Tompkins Buell, Naila Bolus
Sunday, May 13, 2007
SFGate

A suicide bomber detonates himself in a crowded marketplace in Iraq, killing dozens. Tensions over North Korea’s and Iran’s nuclear programs continue to build, despite protest from the world’s nations. In Darfur, the body count has exceeded 200,000 as the genocide rages on.

Everywhere we turn today, we are bombarded with images and reports of warfare and violence. Parents face the challenge of helping our children process these “current events” without leading them to become cynical or hopeless or excessively fearful. Moms are particularly sensitive to this dilemma, given our special role as nurturers and keepers of the peace at home and in our society.

For moms, nothing is more important than making the world safe for our children. In fact, Mother’s Day was originally founded in America as a holiday to unite women against war. In proposing a “Mother’s Day for Peace” more than a century ago, the American abolitionist and women’s rights advocate Julia Ward Howe hoped that this powerful, maternal desire for security could even shape world events.

Howe, whose other claim to fame was penning the “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” had witnessed firsthand the horrors of the Civil War and the scourge of violence and disease that claimed the lives of soldiers on and off the battlefield. She also worked with widows and orphans of both Union and Confederate soldiers and later traveled to Europe where she encountered similar devastation from the Franco-Prussian War. In response, she called on mothers to work for peace and for the establishment of a special day in their honor.

More than a century later, our nation is again at war. Today, more than ever, it’s time we put the peace back in Mother’s Day.

But what is the best way to do this? Suffice it to say, most of us can’t take it upon ourselves to pack our bags for Sri Lanka or Sudan or any other number of conflict-torn regions badly in need of peace building. Nor can we step in and help broker peace negotiations among warring nations. But there are many, meaningful things any family can do on Mother’s Day, or any other day for that matter, to promote the ethics of peace that Howe envisioned:

Make room for peacemakers. Even though the news overwhelmingly focuses on conflict, it’s only part of the story. If we are to kindle any sense of hope in our children and grandchildren, we must take it upon ourselves to teach them about the people who are working to make the world safer and more secure for everyone. Why not use Mother’s Day to talk about what inspiring and courageous moms are doing around the globe? Moms such as Wangari Matthai, the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize winner whose Green Belt Movement motivated thousands of ordinary citizens in Kenya to, in her own words, “overcome fear and a sense of helplessness and to defend democratic rights.” Or Lisa Schirch, director of the nonprofit 3D Security Initiative, who uses development projects such as building schools and water wells to disarm conflicts from Lebanon to Ghana. You can find more stories about moms working for peace at www.rediscovermothersday.org.

Break down barriers. Most wars and violent conflict can be traced to clashing ideologies that have all but drowned out our common humanity. Introduce your children to different cultures; encourage them to question their assumptions; and break down perceptual barriers that could contribute to hate and misunderstanding.

Be a role model. There are many ways to model your values. Practice healthy ways to resolve everyday conflicts, like asking questions rather than rushing to judgment, and mending fences whenever possible. Make family donations to groups that work for peace. Explain to your child on election day why you’re voting and what you’re voting for.

Consume ethically. Talk to your children about shopping decisions you make to support products from countries with good human rights and workers’ rights records. And work with your family to use energy more wisely, because reducing our dependence on oil makes us all more secure.

War enters our homes on a daily basis through the TV, over the Internet and in conversation at the dinner table. As parents and grandparents, we owe it to our kids to make sure peace gets an equal hearing. Mother’s Day is the perfect chance to begin that conversation, to hold a space in our homes and in our society for something better.

How do we talk to our children about war? The answer is simple: Talk to them about peace.

Susie Tompkins Buell is a San Francisco businesswoman, activist, mother and grandmother, and a sponsor of www.rediscovermothersday.org. Naila Bolus is executive director of Ploughshares Fund and the mother of three young daughters.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/chronicle/archive/2007/05/13/EDGONP1IL71.DTL

This article appeared on page E – 5 of the San Francisco Chronicle