August 21:

“The reader can have no idea of the restraint I have to exercise from week to week in the choice of topics and my vocabulary. It is a training for me.”

–Gandhi (Young India, July 2, 1925)

Gandhi exercised a great deal of self-discipline in all areas of his life, including the spoken and written word. He wrote volumes in his life (his Collected Works, for instance, is close to 100 volumes!), from heading up several presses out of his ashrams to government correspondences and personal letters. But how was this a training for him, other than in finding the right word? Well, finding the right word for a person who is making an effort to maintain his adherence to the principle of Truth is different than finding the “right” word with which to insult someone.

Contrary to the myth that Truth means saying everything that we think is true to anyone no matter how much it hurts them, Gandhi felt that Truth often required an Himalayan degree of restraint and that, strategically speaking, it was wise to work with people, instead of pit them against oneself in a way that degrades them, even when disagreeing over something urgent. For some, Gandhi would say, with “undisciplined tongues,” all it takes is one word or even a glance to begin an onslaught of judgment, resentment and anger. So we insert a clever word here or a jab there to prove that we are right and the other wrong.

Gandhi, human as he was, saw this tendency in himself and confessed in all honesty that he had to be extra vigilant when he wrote his articles. More than looking at his words alone, we can be sure that when he wrote, he looked at the intention behind them.  Being aware of that is a huge challenge in itself, but that’s where Gandhi can teach us something. When I said that to Joseph, was I really saying something else and was it meant to insult or harm him in any way? Was it meant to turn people against him?And so on.  If I can become aware that, Yes, I did mean to make him feel bad, or even, he could perceive that as an insult, even if it was unintended, then that’s when we can–and should– change our words, rephrase something, saying something as direct but more constructive, and kind, instead.

Truth lends itself to kindness, after all, because it is drawing on our most intimate nature and who we really are. And this can express itself in the articulation of our values and programs even to those who hurl insults back at us . We can turn insults around; Gandhi would often do this with a very frank, but artistic, “I think you may have meant that comment as an insult, but I choose not to take it as such.” How’s that to keep the conversation going?

Experiment in Nonviolence:

Whenever you write today, whether texting or emails or dissertations, train yourself to become aware of the intention you have toward other people. Do your comments intend to lift them up or tear them down? Try to empower others with your words.